Please bear with me my dear audience. This is my fist attempt after so many years to write a poem. I tried once and it was good. But, that poem was lost. It was something about my feelings during that time. As far as I can remember, it was written on a white long pad using a blue pen. Enough blabbing.. Here’s my not-so-poem-like poem dedicated to no one..

I got nothing
Nothing is all I got
That’s why my life is going nowhere
And myself is nowhere to be found
I’ve tried to look
But I always get the same shameless being
The person that lost its touch
A person that’s so frustrated with life
The man that questioned everything
Cursed everyone
And lost faith in Him
But still clinging on to His promise
“All of you who are tired, you will find rest.”
But when is that?
When will everything end?
Or it’s just a matter of will?
Will to change the course of my life
Am I a loser?
And a quitter?
Maybe.
I have nothing to blame but myself.
I chose it.
But I’m blaming it on others.
Blaming it to you.
Blaming it to GOD.
Fuck.
Even this poem is going nowhere.
Like my life for the past years
I hope its not too late
I hope everything can change.
Still I’m here.
Trying to fight.
Stand up after being thrown out.
I want someone who’s going to control my life.
Sabi nila Ikaw
Pero bakit ang hirap?
Dahil ba sa makasarili ako?
Mahina?
O putangina?
Nakakainis.
I want not a second chance.
But a thousand chances to remake my life.
From where I began to where I am right now.
Mahirap. Napakhirap.
I want to die.
I want to say goodbye to everyone else.
But they say that it’s a start of a new hello.
And I don’t want that.
I just want an end.
Even without a new beginning.
I need someone to take over.
To save me from this road I’m on.
Goodbye.

At bakit goodbye ang title ng post na ito? Hindi ko alam.

Labels: 2008, buhay, events, family, litanya, new post, paalam, pag-aaral, poem, problems