Honestly, I haven’t seen myself going this far. When I was a kid, I have never seen myself in this place where I am right now. As I envision myself into the future, this period of my life was a big gap. It is as if after I would graduate from elementary, I would become the next president.

I may have mentioned a lot of times when I was a kid that the course that I would be taking up Political Science, because of my ‘ambition’, I haven’t actually seen myself taking it. Maybe because of the ‘political’ word in it which makes it appealing for me during that time. But still, it’s the course I’m actually taking up here at UP.

Also, I have heard a lot of times when I was a kid that UP is certainly the best university we have in the Philippines. But I have never dreamed of studying here, even when I was in high school. And to tell you honestly, I was much happier when I knew that I passed in UST than when I received that letter saying that I am one of those 6% that passed the UPCAT.

I don’t know why. Maybe it is because the course that I passed in UST is a BA-BS degree or a double degree course while in UP I passed BA Political Science. Or maybe the exam results for UST came a month earlier before the UPCAT results. Or maybe, something inside me is saying that it would be a big mistake for me to enter UP. But I don’t have a choice. Our family is cash-strapped and I can only get the best and quality education minus the high costs is in UP.

And yes, It was a big mistake. But as I have said, I got no choice but to be here.

It was here in UP that I’ve lost interest in studying. Yes, I’ve lost interest to study. This is the most dreadful thing that could happen to any student especially for me. I have never ever seen myself losing interest in studying. But still, my life went on. I said to myself that maybe it would not last. But as the days go on, mas lalo akong nawawalan ng interes na mag-aral. Why? Distractions? Maybe. My course? Maybe. Financial problems? I don’t know.

But there’s one thing that I want to do right now. Start a new life. And I hope, that to Him up there would allow me to have that chance. Give me the strength to face the problems I created and to have the courage to move on and start a new life with Him beside me.

Naalala ko na minsan hiniling ko sa kanya na batukan niya ako para matauhan ako. He really works wonders. He didn’t give me what I asked for. He made me do what I’ve been asking from him. And it has finally reached its climax.

Kaya ikaw na nasa itaas, I’m now asking for the chance to live a better life. Ang sakit na kasi talaga ng ulo ko.

Labels: 2008, buhay, litanya, new post, problems, sakit